[ There isn't an immediate response. In retrospect, perhaps she should have seen it coming. On the other hand, she does think she could have gone the rest of her life without seeing that.
A long moment passes, then she finally inhales, and exhales. ]
I... figure if there was a better time, you would have taken it instead.
the remorse is so strong—still not for what he did, but for having to make koharu go through that. koharu, laurence, chrono, every child that wasn't ready for it. by their age, yves had already seen so much blood and death but he would never wish it upon anyone else. ]
... even if there was, I can still apologize that it had to happen at all. That I couldn't warn you to look away.
[ . . . there is a relief in that. and he does believe her. he trusts her to tell him the truth, and that's why there's truly just this ache in his heart that is at once shocked that she's not mad and also so grateful that she isn't.
he doesn't know what he'd do if she became afraid of him. ]
[ Like okay no doubt she's going to be losing sleep tonight but also, she doesn't find herself afraid of him. Surprised—of course. But she isn't afraid. ]
[ ah... he holds onto her hand then, and it does feel a little bit like he can keep his head above water. it makes him more emotional than he expected, waves of relief and sorrow and appreciation and guilt crashing against him. ]
I'm not that brave... There's still a lot I'm really scared of, and—I keep wanting to help and be able to do something, but everything here is so beyond me, and that terrifies me. And I feel like... I spend so much time needing to be picked up by others, instead of being able to handle it like everybody else. Honestly, I kind of want to run away from all of this.
[ . . . okay, well. he was shy about it before but he will just slowly scoot over. she can pull away whenever she wants, but he is going to try to gather her in his arms for a hug. ]
... I don't think a brave person stops feeling afraid. I think the fact that you're still here, one way or another, trying your best for the people around you is what you do despite the fear. And... that is the definition of courage.
[ She doesn't resist, at least; like every time before, Koharu easily leans into the hug. ]
Mm... maybe.
[ Koharu still feels doubtful; would anyone back home ever call her courageous? She doubts it. ]
But I think you're a lot braver than I could ever be. Because... [ She trails off, then breathes out deeply again. ] If— if I had known about Firefly, I don't think I could've even said anything, knowing what everyone was planning to do.
I've had to stop a friend before, like that. It's how I ended up here, because I lost my life in the process at the same time. I guess... it's not something I wish anyone ever had experience with.
But... because I've done it before, I think that's why I could do it again, here. To try to save her and... protect who I could. Not that it made me love her any less, but I had other people I needed to look out for, too.
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... I don't have to stay if you'd rather be alone.
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[ what he wants, really. he's a person who constantly craves the attention of others but.
there is still that worry, but it's entirely for her. softly: ]
... I'm sorry for scaring you.
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A long moment passes, then she finally inhales, and exhales. ]
I... figure if there was a better time, you would have taken it instead.
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the remorse is so strong—still not for what he did, but for having to make koharu go through that. koharu, laurence, chrono, every child that wasn't ready for it. by their age, yves had already seen so much blood and death but he would never wish it upon anyone else. ]
... even if there was, I can still apologize that it had to happen at all. That I couldn't warn you to look away.
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Then... apology accepted.
[ "It's okay" doesn't feel right, nor does any insistence not to worry about her. ]
I'm not angry with you. I promise.
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he doesn't know what he'd do if she became afraid of him. ]
... okay. I do believe you.
But it's... okay if you need time, too.
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Not from you.
[ Like okay no doubt she's going to be losing sleep tonight but also, she doesn't find herself afraid of him. Surprised—of course. But she isn't afraid. ]
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then... tentatively, he'll offer his hand out to her, palm up?
handhold? ]
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... thank you, Koharu.
For not being afraid of me.
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If I were afraid of you, then... I'd have to be afraid of a lot of people I care about here.
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I think it's okay if a lot of this is stuff you never should've had to experience.
Even still... I do think that makes you braver than anyone else.
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I'm not that brave... There's still a lot I'm really scared of, and—I keep wanting to help and be able to do something, but everything here is so beyond me, and that terrifies me. And I feel like... I spend so much time needing to be picked up by others, instead of being able to handle it like everybody else. Honestly, I kind of want to run away from all of this.
I don't think that's what a brave person does.
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... I don't think a brave person stops feeling afraid. I think the fact that you're still here, one way or another, trying your best for the people around you is what you do despite the fear. And... that is the definition of courage.
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Mm... maybe.
[ Koharu still feels doubtful; would anyone back home ever call her courageous? She doubts it. ]
But I think you're a lot braver than I could ever be. Because... [ She trails off, then breathes out deeply again. ] If— if I had known about Firefly, I don't think I could've even said anything, knowing what everyone was planning to do.
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I've had to stop a friend before, like that. It's how I ended up here, because I lost my life in the process at the same time. I guess... it's not something I wish anyone ever had experience with.
But... because I've done it before, I think that's why I could do it again, here. To try to save her and... protect who I could. Not that it made me love her any less, but I had other people I needed to look out for, too.
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That's why I'm not scared or angry with you. But I am at whoever is doing this to us when we—none of us ever did anything.
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... I feel the same. I don't think I can forgive whatever is doing this.
Every decision that we have to make here is just... difficult.
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